Future Options For Saddam After Capture

This piece has been published in the Deadbrain satire website under the title One week on: Top 10 options for Saddam and in the The Spoof website under the title Top 10 Options For Saddam Hussei.

It was originally written here in response to a search for saddam captured humour that the HUMOUR section received. It lists the future options for the recently captured Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.

  1. Ask US President George W. Bush to step down and join him to stand trial for crimes against Iraqi people.
  2. Pretend he is not himself and claim he may be hiding in Syria.
  3. Refuse to stand trial for the crimes committed by all the other Saddam Husseins.
  4. Contradict George W. Bush by owning up responsibility for 9/11 and thus reinforce the belief of 70% of Americans.
  5. Become a US citizen and run against George W. Bush in 2004 elections as Americans are now crazy about presidents who kill people in Third World countries.
  6. Become an Hollywood star and act in films like TERMINATOR, SADDAM – THE BARBARIAN, TRUE LIES, COLLATERAL DAMAGE, THE VILLAIN, etc.
  7. Emulate John Major, George Bush Sr., James Baker, and George Schultz by joining war profiteers like Carlyle, Halliburton, Bechtel, etc., as an advisor or as a board member.
  8. Join Unocal and replace their former employee Hamid Karzai as President of Afghanistan, and rule the now lawless country with an iron fist.
  9. Threaten to release details of how the US and West European countries helped him develop weapons of mass destruction (WMD).
  10. Claim soveriegn immunity like the former Chilean dictator and “Senator For Life” Augusto Pinochet, who was released by the UK Government under pressure from the US.

Despite the capture of Saddam Hussein, coalition soldiers cannot ignore the grim reality of their situation, as exemplified by this REUTERS story

If anyone imagined Saddam’s capture would bring swift peace, the words of U.S.-trained Iraqi policeman Ahmed Ali may cause them to think again. “We want this to lead to more attacks on the Americans. There will be a holy war against them. It will be much worse. We all love Saddam,” he said, standing near U.S. soldiers he works with in Falluja, confident they would not understand his Arabic.